Rewire me

I wish my brain is like a computer's hard drive. So I can just upload an anti-laziness software and programme myself to go to the gym at least 3 times a week. I can feel my fitness and health, deteriorating. I'm tired all the time even with enough sleep. My breathing is shallow. And my body aches.

The last trip to the gym was a week ago, and I lasted all of 15 minutes on the treadmill before I had to call it quits. My heart felt like it would burst out and I felt too weak to have a go at the weights.

I'm just not motivated anymore. And I've been feeling this general apathy for everything around me. So much so I feel like I'm in a daze half the time. Sometimes I wonder if I'm depressed. Then I wonder what it is I'm depressed about, cos there really isn't anything going wrong in my life. I'm more blessed than most. I really need to get out of this rut.

Anyway, Lent begins tomorrow.
40 days to Easter. It's a time for reflection and contemplation of my walk with Christ. Truth be told, I've been a real slacker in that department. Haven't been consistent with my Bible readings or quiet time. Haven't been consistently going to church. And worse, I doubt, I question, I challenge... albeit quietly in my own heart.

Time to get in tune with God again. To borrow from the song Desafinado, we haven't been singing in harmony for quite a while now.

Why 40 days of Lent?
Well, my limited understanding of Lent is that it is a time for penance and reflection of Christ's love and sacrifice. And like the testing of Jesus in the desert by the devil, some Christians, especially the Catholics, choose some form of abstinence or fasting to share in Christ's suffering. Like giving up foods they enjoy (I tried giving up meat for Lent before my baptism 3 Easters ago - it was HARD), the occasional full fast or giving up certain enjoyable things - like cigarettes (no, I don't smoke) and my fifty-something godparents told me they give up sex (too much information, Godpa, thanks).

So what am I gonna offer up this year?
1. A daily blog post in http://wandernutwalks.blogspot.com by doing and completing Rick Warren's 40-day Purpose Driven Life book. I've read it but I didn't do the 'homework'.

2. I shall abstain from meat and such pleasures of the flesh. Hahahaha. Actually, it's not just the meat I should abstain from. It's the foods that I really enjoy. So I guess I'll resist the temptation of desserts. I even thought of my daily morning coffee. But er... if it's gonna get in the way of me being a coherent human being, better not. Maybe I'll limit myself to just one cup a day.

3. I shall aim to do a full fast at least once a week.

4. Wake up early and do a half hour devotional and quiet time every day. And say the rosary too.

5. And er, of course, must not miss Mass. Sigh. Time for confession as well. It's long overdue.

People say it's easier to get things done if you write them down. Now that I've blogged this, I really must try to stick by it. I know I cannot do this alone (I'll need His help, alot). Pray for me.