The dumps can be a lousy place
When you're down there and there's nothing you can do about it, all you can do is wait for the storm to pass and for the sun to come out again.
I guess the art of compartmentalisation has kept me going. I don't let one part of my life affect another too badly. But there are times when I just wish I could hide in one little corner, tear my masks away and give a good cry.
Keeping up a front is so tiring, but necessary. And after weeks of keeping my chin up, I'm now slowly treading the waters of self-pity, desperately trying not to wallow or let myself drown in it.
There's a current personal turmoil and heartache to deal with.
There's the on-going job of being a parent to my parents.
The constant struggle to stay true to my faith.
The constant struggle to find my momentum at work.
The constant feeling that this is not where I want to be.
Sometimes I feel like such a failure.
While I seem to hold up pretty well on the outside, I know inside I'm a mess. I do what I can but I wonder if it's enough. And then I wonder if I even have the strength or energy to do anymore.
I wake up in the morning wishing I didn't, with cotton in my head and lead in my heart. How long can I keep this up?
The dumps can be a lousy place.
p/s: As if it can't get any worse, my oven broke down last weekend. No baking until I buy a new one, which I can't cos I just got a laptop. Crap. *sobs*
I guess the art of compartmentalisation has kept me going. I don't let one part of my life affect another too badly. But there are times when I just wish I could hide in one little corner, tear my masks away and give a good cry.
Keeping up a front is so tiring, but necessary. And after weeks of keeping my chin up, I'm now slowly treading the waters of self-pity, desperately trying not to wallow or let myself drown in it.
There's a current personal turmoil and heartache to deal with.
There's the on-going job of being a parent to my parents.
The constant struggle to stay true to my faith.
The constant struggle to find my momentum at work.
The constant feeling that this is not where I want to be.
Sometimes I feel like such a failure.
While I seem to hold up pretty well on the outside, I know inside I'm a mess. I do what I can but I wonder if it's enough. And then I wonder if I even have the strength or energy to do anymore.
I wake up in the morning wishing I didn't, with cotton in my head and lead in my heart. How long can I keep this up?
The dumps can be a lousy place.
p/s: As if it can't get any worse, my oven broke down last weekend. No baking until I buy a new one, which I can't cos I just got a laptop. Crap. *sobs*
Labels: just me
says Wandernut on Thursday, July 06, 2006
6 wandered by:
Aww babe... Hugs. I know what you mean, similar issues on my list too. all I can say is we soldier on cos that's the only thing to do and eventually things get better, just have faith.
aaw.... so sorry you're feeling down... thought the lack of posts recently was just because you've been busy... hope you'll start to climb out of that crappy place soon... sending you lots of good happy vibes (((HUGSSSS)))
Oh dear. The dumps IS a lousy place indeed.
Quite often, there really are no solutions and all you can do is just lie down in the dust, cry your eyes out, take a breather and wait for your strength to return.
Messrs Ben & Jerry and Ms. Sara Lee are pretty good company in times like these.
I think Life, in itself, is a struggle to stay sane. You've gotten off to a good start with the compartmentalising. The walls just need a little patching and shoring up.
Sunshine (both the doggy and illuminating variety) - that might help in the spring-clean, one room at a time
Hope the strength returns soon.
Much good vibes and psychic hugging to you.
Hey babe, I know it's hard. I won't even pretend to understand, but I know you're strong. Will keep praying for you. Take care kay? And remember, always do things you enjoy...even if it's only for a while. *hugs*
Ps 125:1 They that trust in the Lord are like Mt Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever.
Hang in there, head up aight!
aaaaaaawww..it's not so bad..u have NOT had your passport stolen, holiday to China cancelled..and you're stuck at work.
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