Checkpost: Midyear 2006
Every now and then I get introspective and start thinking about where I am and where I want to be. Each time I do that, I realise I'm not truly happy with the way things are in my life. So I deal by lowering my expectations, delaying dreams and even compromising a few.
After a few years of doing that, I begin to understand how time and circumstances can drain a person of enthusiasm and optimism. Once I felt I could do anything. Now I feel everything requires too much effort. Where an endless source of energy once burned and kept me going, there's only a pit with smoking embers like charcoal after a barbecue.
Even after eliminating my extra-curricular activities (theatre and dancing) to focus more on my music, I still feel as if there's never enough time, and physical or mental capacity to do more. Even after slowing down a little over the past year and a half, I'm still dragging my feet along. It's as if this lack of distraction is doing me more harm than good. I even tried turning to God. But it's not easy to stay focused on Him, when I can't even focus on anything in the first place.
There's a freshie in my office, just out of uni on her first job. I used to be alot like her. The sparkle in her eye. The bounce in her step. And an honest, innocent belief that anything is possible.
Now my pupils only dilate at the sight of lunch, the smell of coffee, or after I drink some.
What happened to me? It's only been over six years, not sixty.
That said, restlessness is frothing me up like a cappucino maker. It comes and goes, bubbling and deflating, bubbling and deflating. I only hope I have the will to kick myself in the butt before I fall flat again.
Running
Anyway, my pathetic running endeavours must come to an end.
That's why I bought a new pair of shoes. Nope, it's not some trendy Nike Women cut-throat fashion statement. I can't stand how some women go to the gym and hog precious machines in their designer gear to WALK. They don't want to break into a sweat for fear of ruining their make-up. Stick to window shopping, ladies... and the aunties in leopard pants... UGHHH, but that's another story.
Back to my shoes. I got a silver-red Adidas Transfixed. Got them on sale for RM159.90 (original price: RM259.00) at Studio R. Yay!
Now I can finally put my Sauconys into retirement after 2 years of pounding and a few hundred kilometeres of wear.
The next and probably last race of the year is a month away. Too little time to train considering what a lardball I've been the past few months. I shall be more realistic and aim for the first race of next year. Er... yeah. Ahem. ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!
Music
I've never had formal vocal training. So I decided to take the plunge and is now 'relearning' how to sing from Cecilia Yap, a renowned soprano in the region. Her voice is amazing and you can catch her performance, DIVA, at the KL & Selangor Chinese Assembly Hall on 18 June. It's a collaboration with two other singers from Singapore and Taiwan, and they'll be singing arias and duets from famous operas like Aida and Madame Butterfly.
Yes, she's a classical singer, and no, I'm not actually learning to sing opera. My objective is simply to improve my technique and range. I've had one lesson with her so far and she's nice, but very firm. We spent the hour just on breathing. Like with everything else, this is going to require alot of patience. To take a step forward, I'll have to take two steps back. Nothing comes easy, does it?
The dog
Sunshine's now 7 months old. She's a real beauty, and a darn big rascal too. Eversince my mom started giving her bonus meals (left over meat from boiling soup), she's been refusing her kibble. We're trying the starve method to get her eating again. Only thing is, my mom couldn't bear to starve the pup. Some days she'd take-away some deboned Hainan chicken rice for her. I had to convince my mom that she's a dog, not a child... she won't DIE!
After her bath yesterday, we let her into the house. She happily trotted into every room, sniffing away, and then happily plonked herself in the middle of the living room, in between my dad and mom. She looked so contented, her tail slowly swishing left and right as we fussed over her. What a brat! :)
Smiling for the camera
Dad panting with Sunshine; Having a chat with dad
After a few years of doing that, I begin to understand how time and circumstances can drain a person of enthusiasm and optimism. Once I felt I could do anything. Now I feel everything requires too much effort. Where an endless source of energy once burned and kept me going, there's only a pit with smoking embers like charcoal after a barbecue.
Even after eliminating my extra-curricular activities (theatre and dancing) to focus more on my music, I still feel as if there's never enough time, and physical or mental capacity to do more. Even after slowing down a little over the past year and a half, I'm still dragging my feet along. It's as if this lack of distraction is doing me more harm than good. I even tried turning to God. But it's not easy to stay focused on Him, when I can't even focus on anything in the first place.
There's a freshie in my office, just out of uni on her first job. I used to be alot like her. The sparkle in her eye. The bounce in her step. And an honest, innocent belief that anything is possible.
Now my pupils only dilate at the sight of lunch, the smell of coffee, or after I drink some.
What happened to me? It's only been over six years, not sixty.
That said, restlessness is frothing me up like a cappucino maker. It comes and goes, bubbling and deflating, bubbling and deflating. I only hope I have the will to kick myself in the butt before I fall flat again.
Running
Anyway, my pathetic running endeavours must come to an end.
That's why I bought a new pair of shoes. Nope, it's not some trendy Nike Women cut-throat fashion statement. I can't stand how some women go to the gym and hog precious machines in their designer gear to WALK. They don't want to break into a sweat for fear of ruining their make-up. Stick to window shopping, ladies... and the aunties in leopard pants... UGHHH, but that's another story.
Back to my shoes. I got a silver-red Adidas Transfixed. Got them on sale for RM159.90 (original price: RM259.00) at Studio R. Yay!
Now I can finally put my Sauconys into retirement after 2 years of pounding and a few hundred kilometeres of wear.
The next and probably last race of the year is a month away. Too little time to train considering what a lardball I've been the past few months. I shall be more realistic and aim for the first race of next year. Er... yeah. Ahem. ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!
Music
I've never had formal vocal training. So I decided to take the plunge and is now 'relearning' how to sing from Cecilia Yap, a renowned soprano in the region. Her voice is amazing and you can catch her performance, DIVA, at the KL & Selangor Chinese Assembly Hall on 18 June. It's a collaboration with two other singers from Singapore and Taiwan, and they'll be singing arias and duets from famous operas like Aida and Madame Butterfly.
Yes, she's a classical singer, and no, I'm not actually learning to sing opera. My objective is simply to improve my technique and range. I've had one lesson with her so far and she's nice, but very firm. We spent the hour just on breathing. Like with everything else, this is going to require alot of patience. To take a step forward, I'll have to take two steps back. Nothing comes easy, does it?
The dog
Sunshine's now 7 months old. She's a real beauty, and a darn big rascal too. Eversince my mom started giving her bonus meals (left over meat from boiling soup), she's been refusing her kibble. We're trying the starve method to get her eating again. Only thing is, my mom couldn't bear to starve the pup. Some days she'd take-away some deboned Hainan chicken rice for her. I had to convince my mom that she's a dog, not a child... she won't DIE!
After her bath yesterday, we let her into the house. She happily trotted into every room, sniffing away, and then happily plonked herself in the middle of the living room, in between my dad and mom. She looked so contented, her tail slowly swishing left and right as we fussed over her. What a brat! :)
Smiling for the camera
Dad panting with Sunshine; Having a chat with dad
Labels: just me
says Wandernut on Monday, May 29, 2006
9 wandered by:
Checkpost: It happens... the realities of the world dawns upon us after toiling for a few years. In hindsight though, a little bit of patience and focus at the young tender age might have done all of us some good... but we all learn from experience don't we?
One of the best things in life: Spoiling your dog because u know u can and loving the contentment u see in their faces after that :-)
-curlylocks
I can relate.. some days it takes all I have to motivate myself to get outta bed and get my butt to work. The idealistic, bright eyed me is long gone... what a pity...
I really do need to find a new passion to drive me.. other than the cooking and the pets that is... :P
Bask in the darkness as you so eeevily pile loads and loads of work on that freshie...
And then, as the days go by, see that twinkle in the eye fade into a sullen grey (evil chuckle)
KC: Yes, we all do. But sometimes, we never learn.
Curly: She's spoilt alright! A picky eater too! Almost unheard of in her breed.
Cyn: My greatest fantasy is to quit my job, travel somewhere far far away where I know no one and no one knows me, job and country hop as a waitress/ janitor/ dishwasher/ tealady.
Keen: Unfortunately, she's an account handler. Meaning, she piles ME with work. Sigh. (I could be a mean little bitch and give her a hard time, but I'm not wired that way... dammit!)
So cute lah. Look at how big she's gotten!
I won't do a mid-year assessment because I was too lazy to set goals at the beginning of the year.
Nice shoes!
Mint: Hey babe! :) Looking at how my mom spoils her with human food, she's putting on weight fast! Must put a stop to that soon!
The shoes - took it for a spin this morning. Nice and light. If only I can say the same about myself ;)
As I write this, I've just discovered the other sole of my old runners peeling off. I'm going to get them sewn up though. It's my first pair and it made me love running so I can't bear to give up on them just like that.
Your voice needs no training. But then, you've always been a perfectionist.
Box: When I can run for at least half an hour without feeling like a cadaver, we go hit the road again! Meanwhile, please jaga your back! Told you to go easy on your eheh, 'acrobatics'.
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