The Furious Cash Cow

When I first graduated in 2000 and earned a measly RM1500 a month, they had no qualms taking RM1k off my salary for "household use". That was when my dad was still working. Not long after when he couldn't work anymore due to bad health, I took over as breadwinner. It was what I had to do, but I was OK with that. I didn't mind working 2 jobs, sometimes 3, and for about 2 years, working 7 days a week (advertising and playing the piano). It paid the bills. Put my brother through college. I even managed to save.

One of my biggest dreams then was to take off and travel for a few months to London and Europe, and I worked hard with that dream in sight. Also, working 7 days a week didn't give me much time to go out or shop or 'spend money', so I could save up quite abit. I was just waiting for my brother to graduate so I could take a break and finally do some travelling before I'm 30 with that UK Commonwealth Work & Travel Visa. The deal I had with my folks was to put my brother through a 3 + 0 course. But I don't know how they ended up coaxing me to send him to UK. I remember some 'emo' blackmail. Yup, I didn't get to go to UK, but he did. Almost all my savings went into that (which paid for half, with the rest borne by my aunt and cousin).

Knowing very well we were working on a tight budget, my parents didn't think twice about getting him a laptop while he was there. I didn't even get a computer when I was studying overseas. I didn't even ASK for one cos I knew I was on a super tight budget at that time. It really pissed me off and I exploded when I found out. So much for tightening belts and watching the money. Of course, my dad went all teary and went though the whole 'emo' thing about how he felt he had failed as a father, which made me feel so guilty.

Then my brother graduated and started working. I thought finally, I could get some help with the bills. For the first year of his working life, I didn't make any noise about it, letting him 'settle into a job' and find his footing. Second year, I could take it no more. I made some noise. My parents actually pleaded that I let him off the hook cos "he makes very little la, he's paying off your aunt's loan la" and so on so forth. Gosh, then what was I doing giving two thirds of my salary every month when I first started working last time? If it weren't for my piano gigs, I'd have no savings what so ever. Finally at my behest, he forked out a little more. But not without some drama, I might add.

Now 3 years later, he's paying half the utility bills. I pay the other half, on top of a lump sum of cash for groceries. But when it comes to dining out with our parents, I'm usually the one paying. Sometimes, my parents will pay. And on days when I hint that he should pay for dinner, my parents will go "no need la, no need la, we pay..." WTF!!!! This is worse than the NEP! When it came to medical bills, dental bills and stuff above and beyond what's not covered by my dad's pension, I footed it. This year alone I paid for 2 root canals amounting to over RM2000. Now my mom needs another root canal. And surprise surprise, they're asking me to help out (pay).

It's not that I don't want to spend money on my family, but the sheer insensitivity really makes me feel I'm being taken for granted. It's so unfair my brother gets away with little financial contribution (but to be fair, he does his part when it comes to driving them around and stuff). Sure, I make more money than he does but that's not exactly the point. When I was at his current pay bracket, I had to fork out the same amount I'm forking out now, if not more.

They didn't seem to care about my own dreams, or the many I had to cast aside and give up on. They say that I'm the more "capable one" so I should help him a little, to the point that my dad said a few years ago, that if he ever passes on, I should give the house to my brother cos I'm capable of getting my own place. WTF!!! Look! I don't want the house. I don't need the house. I don't care who he wants to give the house to. He is right. I can bloody well buy my own place. In fact, I HAVE. But it's the blatant unfairness and ridiculous mindset that pisses me off.

We can choose our friends, but we can't choose our family. Yet despite everything, I do love them. Sometimes I wonder if I go along with all this because of 'love' or because of conscience. On top of it all, it is a sad truth that I grew up thinking I don't ever want to be like them when I grow up, choosing role models in the parents of my friends. This is also one of the reasons why I don't really want to have kids. It's too easy to screw them up. Or for them to screw you over.

I'm so sick and tired of being a cash cow. I'm sick and tired of everything. It's been more than seven years. Go on! Milk me dry! Of course I DON'T MIND having to think twice or three times before I do anything for myself! Now, just leave me alone! I'm FED UP.