On the mediocrity track.
Been quite a busy week! Darren came back on Tuesday with his mum and granny. So I've been spending the past few days catching up on 2 months worth of lovin' (it's NOT what you think :p)!
He's found an apartment to rent for him and granny so we've been busy getting it ready on top of pigging out at his cousin's. So nice to have him back. Just when I was getting used to my pseudo-singlehood.
Meanwhile, am trying to get my momentum back at work. My confirmation's been extended by 6 months so that's tough. But I guess it's good in a way because it gives me time to a) re-evaluate what I really want to do with my life and b) prove myself worthy as a writer... so I'll spend my time on B while doing A.
I guess I'm not brilliant enough, nor do I have the energy to be an award winner... can't write for shit no more. Lost it. Guess I'm a has-been. A few-hits wonder. Someone with a good dose of beginner's luck.
But I don't know what to do with myself if I leave this job. Which does seem quite inevitable. I can write, but I can't move people anymore.
My writing is seriously wanting in depth, in wit and in original thought (and my boss would add, in 'drama'). Heck, even this blog is, how do I put it... blehh.
But I still love my music. I'm planning to get back into it again, on the side. It's another case of latent talent, but nary a spot of brilliance. Am I doomed to mediocrity forever?. To find out, I'll be taking up lessons with this really good jazz pianist. Maybe next month or the month after. Looking forward to that. Fingers have been so stiff since I stopped playing at the hotel.
What do I do with myself... I don't know. I've never been more lost. At one time I wanted to do everything and be everything. Now I know it is not only humanly impossible. It's stupid.
He's found an apartment to rent for him and granny so we've been busy getting it ready on top of pigging out at his cousin's. So nice to have him back. Just when I was getting used to my pseudo-singlehood.
Meanwhile, am trying to get my momentum back at work. My confirmation's been extended by 6 months so that's tough. But I guess it's good in a way because it gives me time to a) re-evaluate what I really want to do with my life and b) prove myself worthy as a writer... so I'll spend my time on B while doing A.
I guess I'm not brilliant enough, nor do I have the energy to be an award winner... can't write for shit no more. Lost it. Guess I'm a has-been. A few-hits wonder. Someone with a good dose of beginner's luck.
But I don't know what to do with myself if I leave this job. Which does seem quite inevitable. I can write, but I can't move people anymore.
My writing is seriously wanting in depth, in wit and in original thought (and my boss would add, in 'drama'). Heck, even this blog is, how do I put it... blehh.
But I still love my music. I'm planning to get back into it again, on the side. It's another case of latent talent, but nary a spot of brilliance. Am I doomed to mediocrity forever?. To find out, I'll be taking up lessons with this really good jazz pianist. Maybe next month or the month after. Looking forward to that. Fingers have been so stiff since I stopped playing at the hotel.
What do I do with myself... I don't know. I've never been more lost. At one time I wanted to do everything and be everything. Now I know it is not only humanly impossible. It's stupid.
Labels: just me
says Wandernut on Monday, May 30, 2005
4 wandered by:
Maybe this is God's way of telling you to slow down?!??
Seriously, don't scare me...I'd just decided to do what you do for a living....eeeks!
*equally confused*
hey, calm down - it might be just that you are overworked - over tired - overstressed - you are very talented - do not ever doubt that ok? there are always ups and downs - you may be at the downturn for the moment - 'up' will come knocking on your door soon - take care
Ever since i knew u, i never doubted that u will become some1 special..... and you ARE!!! Don't ever doubt yourself!! u talented, beautiful, special u!! XOXO
Na,
The path to freedom is just too damn long, and we thought it was around the corner of 25th Ave. Approaching 30th and we begin wondering if the houses and parked cars along the drive are going to look the same. Oh god.
The experiences once only experience by kings has now been experienced by the common. Life goes on with a luxury.
But have you really seen it all, really woke up a princess?
Luv U :)
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